I am so tired of hearing people tell me, "you know you should really put Violet down when she's sleeping- You don't want her to become dependent on you holding her." This about the baby that sleeps through the night, and is hardly fussy ever! We get such little time with our newborns where they will actually ALLOW you to hold them! I find that with having the two kids now that my individual attention to Violet has gone down significantly and it kills me.
Last night Chris took Lily to the grocery store with him to do some crazy coupon shopping and rather than go with them, I decided it would be a good chance to give some attention to just Violet without Lily underfoot. I had Violet in the swing and she fussed, and rather than leave her there knowing that in five minutes she would fall asleep I went over and picked her up and sat down in the rocking chair. She promptly fell asleep on my chest and it was SO NICE. I held her for an hour and a half while she slept and then gave her the last bottle of the day and put her down for the night in her crib. I understand working mothers feeling like they need to start their kids on some sort of a routine right away because they will soon be leaving them, but wouldn't you also want to hold them every chance you get knowing that you are going to have to leave them in 6 short weeks? I've been lucky with both of my kids because having Lily in May, I got to stay home for 4 months before returning to work and now with Violet I get to be home her first year! (Believe me... I know I am lucky.) This all brings me to the topic of breast feeding... I know it's a touchy topic, but seriously women.
I tried to breast feed both of my babies and they both wouldn't latch- even with the help of a lactation consultant and nurses. I don't feel that my kids are any less healthy or worse off emotionally because I didn't breast feed. It bothers me that there is this stipulation behind breast feeding. It's like people think they have the right to make you feel like a bad mother because you didn't breast feed. I am the only woman in my family who has NOT successfully breastfed my babies. My sisters have never made me feel like I'm an inadequate mother because I don't breastfeed, but society sure does. People are so quick to tell me, "you shouldn't have given up so quickly... you should have persevered and tried pumping." Well guess what----I tried EVERYTHING to be able to breast feed. I even went so far as literally just trying every 15 minutes to get my daughters to latch and they wouldn't! I have had a struggle with PPD after both of my births and it made my moods so much worse to be unable to do the one thing I wanted when it came to feeding my kids. I'm not one of those mothers that says, "ewww... breastfeeding is gross and I won't even try it." And even those mothers are entitled to their opinion! Breast feeding just ISN'T FOR EVERYONE!
Now Violet is a little chunker because she's on formula and everyone says to me, "oh are you over feeding her?" NO...I just feed my child when she's hungry! I don't make her wait or hold her off for another hour to get her on a stupid schedule. Why would you want your child to be hungry? When Lily was 4 days old, a nurse from the nursery at Holy Redeemer came to me and said, "Amanda... your baby is dehydrated and has developed crystals in her urine because she's not getting enough colostrum. I know you are trying to breast feed but you are going to have to either supplement so she doesn't get sick or keep her on your breast constantly in hopes that you will get your milk in quicker." (My milk didn't come in with Lily for 6 Days...) And believe me, after a C-Section... having an 8 pound lay on your incision is dreadfully painful no matter what position you are trying to breastfeed in. So of course after hearing this I just turned to my mom, burst in to tears and said- "Okay let's give her a bottle and see if that helps her." The first time I truly saw Lily open her eyes was that moment where she finally got some sustenance---I never went back from that moment and decided bottle feeding was the way to go. I don't regret my decision to feed either of my kids with bottles and they are completely bonded to not only ME- but my husband... and that's thanks to bottles.
I don't frown on women who breast feed. I think it's wonderful that it worked for them- it just simply didn't work for me and I don't begrudge my kids for that. I know I will have more kids and when I do---again I will try to beast feed them in hopes that they are miracle latchers, but if it doesn't work- it doesn't work. Please don't be one of those people who say to me 2 days postpartum- "So how's the breast feeding going? Keep at it... YOU CAN DO IT!!!!" It just makes me feel like shit- I'm a good mother regardless!
Just had to vent on this whole area!
At least it isn't you!
Amanda
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